So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
