Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
