the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just invented taco cereal.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
