I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
