bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
