sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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