I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
