I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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