I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I want to have your abortion
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
