If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
