put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
