how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
