I've blown a few things in my day
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
