I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
