So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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