my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
