$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
