so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Randomize
