Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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