You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
