WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
