Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
