I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
