My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
