he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
