I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
