Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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