if you like me you must not know who I am
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
