i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
