Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
