nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
