It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
