she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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