She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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