plz talk dirty to me
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
