Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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