I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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