Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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