hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm like, not good at living.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
