you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
