Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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