i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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