"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
