dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
