lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
