Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
