the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
