I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
