come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize