She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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