Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
