i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
