who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
